“I just want to be happy”
“I just want to be happy.”
This phrase comes again and again in my work and in my personal life. Of course it does. It is a basic psychological need, something most of us strive for in one way or another. But what if happiness isn’t something we ‘arrive at’ and stay in forever but something that changes shape over time?
But what is it, really?
What do we mean when we say it?
Do we mean living in a constant state of joy? A life free from struggle in every area?
That fluttery, butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling? Or a sense of peace, belonging and life making sense?
Is it about noticing and appreciating small moments? Or feeling good every second of every day?
We often speak about happiness as if it’s a destination, a final stop: you reach it, you stay there, you’ve “made it.” Or is more like a shifting process - sometimes vivid, sometimes subtle - rather than a fixed state?
Exploring your own meaning
So, let’s be curious. What’s your “I want to be happy”? -
- What does happy look like for you?
- What does it feel like in your body?
- Which parts of your life already feel ok, maybe even good, right now?
- Which parts of your life, perhaps, you are already satisfied or content?
- Which moments, people or places bring you joy?
I don’t believe happiness is all-or-nothing.
You can be deeply content in one part of your life while feeling unsettled in another.
And of course, it’s no surprise that for thousand of years people have been wondering about happiness - what it is and what it means to be happy. It’s a question that runs through philosophy, psychology and personal day-to-day reflection.
I don’t want to pretend that I’ve got all the answers here or that I’ve got it all perfectly figured out for myself. But I do have a few ideas, perspectives and questions to explore with you.
Two kinds of happiness
One of the most long-standing ways of thinking about happiness comes from ancient Greek philosophy. The distinction between hedonic and eudaimonic happiness.
Hedonic happiness
Hedonic happiness comes from the Greek word hēdonē, meaning pleasure. It’s about pleasure, enjoyment and feeling good in the moment. It often centres on our own immediate experience - what feels good for me right now. It might be the warm sunshine on your face, the laughter shared over a meal, the satisfaction of ticking something off your to‑do list or the thrill of something new or long‑desired.
In today’s world, it can also come from quick dopamine hits - the buzz of a social media notification, the small triumph of winning a game level, the instant validation of a “like” on your post or the impulse satisfaction of a quick online purchase. These moments can lift our mood, bring comfort and add colour to our days. But on their own, they often are short‑lived, leaving us looking for the next burst of pleasure and often still feeling unsatisfied. Over time, this constant search for the ‘next hit’ can start to feel like a cycle, one that’s not unlike the pull of addictive behaviours, where we chase quick highs but rarely feel truly fulfilled.
Eudaimonic happiness
Eudaimonic happiness, a term drawn from Aristotle’s philosophy, is different. It’s not about the short-lived bursts of hedonic joy, it’s about a deeper sense of living well - thriving toward self‑actualisation, striving to realise your unique potential and grow into the fullest version of yourself.
It’s about purpose, growth and alignment with your values in the life you’re building, the principles you’re honouring and the decisions you’re making to stay true to yourself. But it isn’t always comfortable. It often calls for hard work, persistence and patience.
For many, this deeper kind of happiness becomes a focus in counselling - a supportive space to reflect on meaning, explore identity and consider changes that feel true to who they are.
Over time, eudaimonic happiness offers a richer, more grounded sense of fulfilment - one that shows up in your relationships, your lifestyle, and the way you, hopefully, balance life. It’s the kind of happiness that sustains you, even when life is far from easy.
Why we need both
In both my work and my own life, I’ve seen how we (I) need both forms of happiness the short-term pleasures of hedonic moments and the long-term grounding of eudaimonic happiness.
When we hold space for both, happiness becomes less about chasing one perfect, constant feeling and more about weaving two threads together: the quick sparks and the slow growth. But here’s the question:
Is it about needing both or needing more?
There’s a paradox here. It’s not uncommon to feel that the ultimate goal is to be happy all the time but that’s simply not realistic. Life will always include bumps, losses, frustrations, boredom and uncertainty. It’s not about eliminating these experiences (we simply can’t) or glossing over it with a forced calm, pretending it’s not affecting us. Instead, it’s about creating a life where happiness has space to show up in many different forms - in moments of joy, a deep sense of meaning, connection, progress, peace and even in the way we navigate and process life’s difficulties. For me, that’s less about chasing constant happiness and more about cultivating balanced well-being.
Introducing Ryff’s six-factor model of psychological well-being
On that note, I’d like to introduce Carol Ryff’s Six-Factor Model of Psychological Well-Being. There are a number of modern approaches to positive psychology and other well-being frameworks. But now I would love to focus of Ryff’s, because I find it both practical and insightful. To me, it offers a simple, structured way to explore how well-being - and happiness in all its forms - shows up in different areas of life.
Here are the six key components that Ryff outlined to make up psychological well-being:
1. Self-acceptance
Knowing and accepting yourself as you are - both your strengths and your imperfections. This isn’t about loving every single thing about yourself, but about having an honest, compassionate relationship with who you are right now.
2. Positive relationships
Building deep, supportive connections with others. These aren’t just social contacts, they’re the relationships where you feel seen, valued and able to be your real self. Research consistently shows that quality relationships are one of the strongest predictors of life satisfaction and resilience.
3. Autonomy
Living in a way that feels true to you. It’s making choices based on your own values and inner compass and standing comfortably in our own decisions rather than relying on outside approval.
4. Environmental mastery
Being able to manage your life in a way that supports your well-being. This might mean creating a home that feels safe and comforting, managing your time and energy wisely, or shaping your work life balance.
5. Purpose in life
Having a sense of direction and meaning. This doesn’t have to be one big life mission but can be simply living in a way that reflects your values.
6. Personal growth
Continuing to learn, evolve and stretch yourself - whether through formal learning, creative exploration, travel, or simply challenging yourself in new way.
For me, this framework sums up the key areas worth exploring: noticing where life feels aligned and where there might be space for more attention, care or an “MOT”.
But that’s just my perspective. What about you?
Do you find yourself resonating more with hedonic moments, eudaimonic living, the balance between the two, or perhaps the six-factor well-being model? Or maybe you have your own way of thinking about happiness altogether?
Often these reflections grow deeper when we explore them in conversation with friends or through writing. And if it feels like things aren’t shifting, a counselling space, with the focus entirely on you and guided by a professional, can help you find your own way forward, creating room to gently unpack what your balanced well‑being looks like to you.
About the Author
